Before I had kids, I had no clue. I had no idea how crazy and exhausting and challenging this thing called motherhood would be.
Shortly after Lucy was born, Greg told me that he wanted to have more babies. Like soon. And I said, "no way! Are you kidding me? This is so hard! It's so much work!" Well, eventually I came around, and Auggie came to be. And it seemed that the work of raising babies didn't just double. It tripled, maybe even quadrupled. I have no idea how that works, but trust me, going from one kid to two is insane. And I hear it's equally or more so crazy adding a third.
But pre-kids I also had no clue how HUGE my heart could get with this fierce and tender mama-love for my offspring. It is truly like nothing else.
Yesterday I was watching Lucy's soccer game, and my eyes were just glued to her, so proud of her, and wanting the world to see what an awesome little person she is! (It was 4-year-old AYSO soccer, and her team was getting crushed, but still my heart could have just burst watching her run around in her light blue jersey and shin guards up to her knees.)
And last week I was at a conference and struck up a conversation with a complete stranger. We got to talking about our kids, and I just couldn't help myself. I whipped out my phone to show her a picture of my sweet son, Augustine, and gushed, "Isn't he just sooo cute?!"
Seriously, what has come over me?? I am addicted to my kids!
And so recently, when I become overwhelmed with stress and busy-ness and just needing a precious hour to myself, I stop. And look at these two beautiful kids. And just realize what an awesome blessing and privilege it is to have been entrusted with their care. I'm learning to be joyful, and not resentful, when my pre-school sweetheart squeezes her juice box and douses me and the entire interior of our car with sticky-sweet liquid, or when my little alarm clock (read: baby boy) wakes me up two hours too early. There is joy in the endless duty of washing diapers, wiping butts, trimming nails, picking up toys, playing pretend, and entertaining a fussy baby during the "witching hour" while simultaneously preparing a healthy meal for the entire family.
It is a blessing, a sacred privilege, this wild ride that is motherhood. Am I overwhelmed? Yes. But it is a joyful, heart-swelling, place to be that will be over before I know it, and I am trying my best to treasure every (hair-pulling) second.
