My First Birth: A 36-Hour-Long Lesson

Posted with permission.

"I will never give birth without a doula."
~Jennifer, after the birth.

Jennifer's water broke at 3am this past Thursday. 35 intense hours later, her son, Andrew, was born. Here is what I learned.

1. Doulas are crucial for not only unmedicated births, but also--maybe even more so--for births where interventions are used.

Jen and Keenon had been preparing for a natural labor and delivery, and Jen had been reading and practicing Hypnobirthing, which uses relaxation, visualization, and meditation to cope with the pain of labor. Many hours after the broken bag of waters, though, her contractions were just too weak and far apart to be helpful. But the doctor was very patient, and waited until 6:45 pm to start augmentation with pitocin. It took an hour or so for contractions to really get started up, but when they did they were pretty painful, continuing to get stronger and closer as time passed. Jen did an amazing job of staying focused and breathing through each contraction, and Keenon was such a strong support to her. I suggested different positions and tried to create a relaxing environment for them to labor in. When things really started getting intense, she settled in the bed for some concentrated focus and relaxing. I was reading a meditation script to her, which helped get her focused, and after that she came up with her own ritual (a sign that she was really coping well). She started repeating in her head, "in love, out pain" with each breath, as I stood by her side and repeated that mantra out loud. After about eight hours of laboring with pitocin, the nurse checked her and she was still only 1cm dilated. This was awful, disheartening news. The good news was that her cervix was 100% effaced, or thinned out, which is what we had been accomplishing for the past eight hours. This was probably a low-point in the labor--Jen was so discouraged, and in her discouragement expressed that she just wanted to get a c-section and be done. Keenon was also in a state of disbelief, and very concerned for his wife. I knew, though, that they were speaking out of pure emotion, and in the end would most likely regret it if that was what happened. The nurse (who had been rather prickly up until this point) really came through, and with me, encouraged an epidural, some rest, and to go from there. Which brings me to point number two...

2. Epidurals can be very, very helpful.

Under normal conditions, I believe that women have an innate strength to get them through labor, if they are well-educated, prepared, and have a strong support system around them. This was not a normal circumstance, though, and the options were either an epidural and some rest, or a c-section. Thankfully, they decided an epidural would be the best way to go, and this was given at 3:30 a.m.

3. It is impossible to sleep in the waiting room, no matter how tired you are.

Heather (Jen's best friend, who was also a part of the support team) and I left the room so Jen and Keenon could get some much-needed sleep. We begged the nurse for some hospital blankets and headed out to the waiting room. After 2 hours of twisting and turning from floor to chair to small-hard-couch-thingy, we headed back to the room to see how things were progressing.

4. When working as a doula, I hold up just fine on zero sleep.

I walked back in the room, bright-eyed and feeling like a million bucks (well, almost). The nurse came to check Jen at 6am, and she had progressed to four centimeters! The baby was also moving down. This was awesome news! We still had quite a ways to go, but we were making progress. Friday morning was less intense than the night before, but still required constant vigilance and attending to Jen. I felt totally awake and sustained by the prayers of friends who were praying for me and for Jen and Keenon. What a blessing.

5. The "24-hour rule" can be bent if both mom and baby are doing well.

Typically, after the bag of waters breaks, the clock starts ticking--doctors say they will have the baby out 24 hours later one way or another because of the risk of infection. But as we were well past the 24-hour mark and there was no talk of c-section, I was hopeful that her baby could still be born vaginally. (After the birth, I asked a nurse why they let her go so long without operating, and she said it was because the baby's heart rate was strong and Jen was doing really well. It would have been nice to know this was a possibility!)

6. Emotions are ten times stronger when running on no sleep and adrenaline.

We didn't know this at the time, but around 11:00 the doctor had told the nurse to get the papers ready for a c-section and to bring them in for Jen to sign, but to check her one last time just in case. So she came in, checked her, and said, "I don't feel any cervix!" I couldn't contain myself--I was so happy I started crying. They asked, "Is that good?" I said, "Yes, this is so good! We made it! You can start pushing!!" It was a beautiful moment. Our awesome new nurse started rushing around to get the room ready for a baby!

7. Women can be strong. So, so strong.

Before she was checked, Jen started feeling the contractions getting stronger. She started having a urge to poop, and I was suspicious that we were nearing the end (having felt that same sensation not too long ago myself). She started having to really focus on her breathing during each contraction, and soon, it seemed like she didn't have the epidural at all. She also started getting pretty emotional, and losing her focus (which we later discerned was a sign that she was in the transition stage of labor--between 7 and 10 cm). Thankfully, her friend Heather knew just how to calm her down and talk her through it. Then I informed her that the pushing stage was going to get very intense again, and that she was going to have to draw from all her inner strength. The room was ready, the spotlights turned on. Heather and I each grabbed a leg while Keenon stood by her head, and the nurse coached her on how to push. She was in so much pain, and could feel everything, but she was so strong for her baby. For two hours, I counted to 10 for each push, which was 3 or 4 times per contraction. She was exhausted, but so focused, and took advantage of every second between contractions to rest. After almost a day-and-a-half of no sleep and barely any food, I was blown away by her strength. She pushed Andrew out into the world at two o'clock pm.

8. The minutes after birth are the most beautiful, spiritual, and love-filled moments ever.

Their new baby was placed on Jennifer's chest. There were tears, kisses, and so much love between their new family. I was crying and taking pictures, doctors and nurses were bustling around attending to Jen and the baby as she held him. But they were in the zone. Nothing could distract them from the miracle of what was happening. I am so blessed and thankful to have been a part of this incredible journey.

The Doula: A Hindrance to Family Bonding?

“Not only was it nice having someone familiar with the processes…in the thick of labor, I knew my wife felt so supported by Kim. It made all the difference, and I'm going to insist Kim be there for our next child.” ~Seth, on having a doula at his son's birth

I had a couple recently who expressed interest in having a doula, but were concerned that having another person there might take away from the intimacy of the experience. She said that they had been together for a long time, and had a very close relationship, and that was the one thing that made them a little bit hesitant about the whole doula thing.

I really do think that theirs is a totally valid and legitimate concern. Giving birth to your baby is one of the most memorable things you will ever do, and it's something that you will remember for the rest of your life! Having a doula there, or anyone else besides your partner, is truly a big decision that requires a lot of thought.

While in the end, it is totally up to you to decide, I thought I’d blog a little about my thoughts on the topic.

If you are giving birth in a hospital, there will likely be many professionals buzzing about you. Some you choose, like your doctor (who is usually only with you for a fraction of the time you are in labor), and others you don’t, like your nurses. A doula is a professional, just like a nurse or doctor, who will be there for your birth. The differences are that you choose who your doula will be, and that her sole purpose is to make sure you are okay. She doesn’t work for the hospital—she works for you.

As a doula, I encourage laboring moms to stay at home in early labor, where they can relax in a familiar environment and work with their partner to get into the rhythm of labor together. I ask that each mom calls me when she thinks she is in labor, so I can stark making arrangements for my family and be there when she needs me, but I will not come until the mom feels like labor is getting more intense and could use some extra support and encouragement. So if the mom is having a “textbook” labor, there will be plenty of time at home with just her and her partner.

When I do join the couple, at home or at the hospital, if they seem to be coping well and getting through the contractions just fine, I will gladly step back and let the dad continue supporting the laboring mom as he has been doing. I feel very strongly about not intruding on the bond that exists between the couple, and I strive to maintain a calm, peaceful, and reassuring presence throughout the labor and birth. Part of this is remaining calm and peaceful myself, and a big part of it is encouraging others in the room to respect the bond between the couple, and the intensity of the mother’s experience. I do this by speaking in a soft voice and encouraging the nurses to do the same, and asking the nurses to wait until the mom is not contracting to ask her questions or perform procedures when possible. This actually frees up the dad to give more of his attention to his lover, because he doesn’t have to worry about creating and sustaining that calm atmosphere, especially at a hospital birth.

If you are hoping for a natural, drug-free birth* in a hospital, I believe the role of a doula is vital. Sadly, most medical staff at the hospital are not very familiar with unmedicated birth, and don’t realize the importance of uninterrupted quiet and peacefulness so that the mother can maintain her focus to get through the contractions. When I was in active labor, I remember several times nurses bursting into the room, talking casually and loudly with one another and to me. It was a struggle to remain focused, to say the least. As I said earlier, Greg did a great job interacting with them—encouraging them to lower their voices and not to talk to me during contractions, but that did take his time and focus off of me. As a doula, one of my goals is to free up the dad to be available for the mom as much as possible.

Obviously, when labor is getting very intense and comfort measures or relaxation are not working as well as they did earlier, I will be available to offer new suggestions. I have been well-trained on a number of different positions and coping techniques. I can apply pressure in certain areas of the back that would feel especially good if she is having back labor, and I can show the dad how to do these techniques as well. It can actually be very exhausting to give constant pressure or massage if the mom needs it, so I can take turns with the dad, or we can work together to provide double the pressure.

There are countless benefits of having a doula, and I understand that a potential drawback could be having a "third wheel" along for the ride. I definitely respect couples who would prefer to work through the process of labor and birth alone. At the same time, though, I feel that I offer a level of service that would not detract from the most memorable day of their lives, but would enhance it.

*I also offer support for women who desire medication in labor. I will discuss this more in a later post.

My Services Include...

• 2-3 pre-natal meetings 
• Accompanyment to one pre-natal doctor or midwife visit, if desired
• 24/7 support by phone or e-mail throughout your pregnancy
• My constant presence, encouragement, and assistance during labor from the time I arrive until mom and baby have bonded
• Photographs of any part of the process, before and/or after your baby’s birth, if desired (I have a bachelor's degree in fine art, and have taken several photography courses)
• One check-up visit following the birth of your baby

Optional*

• Stepping stone made with high-fire ceramic stoneware, with your baby's hands and/or footprints, name, and birthdate

*includes a small fee to cover the cost of supplies

Contact Info:

gregandkim2004@msn.com

815.766.2356

Please get in touch with me to set up an initial meeting! I would be happy to meet with you and talk about your desires for labor and birth.
Above photo by Chrissy Deming Photography

The Doula: Who She is and How She Helps

"Doula" is Greek for "woman's servant." The term today has been adopted and changed a bit to mean someone who helps women in labor. She provides emotional support (caring words, encouragement), physical support (massage, gentle touch), and mental support (education) before and throughout labor and birth. She is well-educated about birth, natural pain-relief and comfort techniques, and how to make the laboring woman feel strong and in control of her body. Her calming presence during labor allows the parents to relax, knowing they have a caring friend who will not leave their side, and someone who will advocate for them throughout this new and often-times overwhelming event. She does not perform any medical tasks; her sole purpose is to be there for mom (and dad), and to make their birth experience as smooth and worry-free as possible.

When I was pregnant, I had a general idea about what a doula was, but I didn't feel like I needed one. None of our friends had had one, and I felt like Greg and I could do it on our own. Which we did, and it was amazing (see my birth story). BUT, looking back, I realize it could have been a lot better if we would have had that extra support-person. Greg was really busy while I was in labor, packing our bags, calling people to let them know this was the day, and dealing with hospital staff/procedures. Not to mention he was super nervous and--dare I say it--a little bit scared. I feel like it would have been a lot less hectic had a doula been there working with Greg to make sure everything got done and that I was being taken care of continuously (I spent a lot of time laboring by myself). Also, since we were only at the hospital for a few hours before Lucy's birth, we had the same nurse with us the whole time. Most of my friends, though, have spent many, many hours at the hospital and have had several different nurses who left them alone in the room so she could take care of other patients. One benefit of the doula is that she is always there, by mom's side.

There are also many very real, tangible, and actually quite astounding statistical benefits to having a doula. Studies have shown that doula supported women have:

Overall, a 25% decrease in the length of labor
50 % decrease in cesarean births
60 % decrease in epidurals
40 % decrease in the use of pitocin
30% decrease in the use of narcotics
30% decrease in the use of forceps*

Can you believe it?! I think that is just plain amazing.

Long-term, mothers with doulas breastfeed longer and with fewer problems, are less likely to suffer from post-partum depression, and in general have better feelings about themselves, their birth experience, and their new family. AND, their babies are more likely to have a greater appetite and fewer health problems at six weeks than their non-doula counterparts.**


*Mothering the Mother, How a Doula Can Help You Have a Shorter, Easier and Healthier Birth by Marshall H. Klaus, John H. Kennell, Phyllis H. Klaus
**The Doula Book by Marshall H. Klaus, John H. Kennell, Phyllis H. Klaus

Becoming-a-Doula Journey: Part I

I don't think I've ever been more excited about much in my life than I am about becoming a doula (besides getting married, having a baby--you know, the biggies). My experience with pregnancy, labor, and birth was just so incredibly positive, and I love sending those "good vibes" out to other expecting mothers.

During pregnancy, whenever I got together with a group of women, the conversation would inevitably turn to birth stories, most of which were scary and un-encouraging. I remember one woman saying, "The pain was so bad, I thought I was going to die... and if I didn't die, I was sure I would go crazy and end up in a mental institution!" At eight months pregnant, that was definitely not what I wanted or needed to hear. So it has been my mission, since the birth of my baby girl, to combat all those negative, fear-inducing horror-stories with one of hope, beauty, and joy.

After I had Lucy, I was unable to stop thinking about what an incredible experience the whole process was. When she was about 6 months old, I abruptly came to the realization that I should become a doula! My husband, Greg, was also very excited about the idea. So I did some research and decided to pursue certification through DONA (Doulas of North America). Check it out: http://www.dona.org/.

On July 31-August 1 of 2009, as a part of my certification, I attended a weekend-long conference in Chicago. It was amazing. I learned a TON, and it was SO refreshing to spend a weekend with other like-minded women! I am now officially trained and ready move forward with the rest of my certification.

Another requirement is attending three births. My good friend, Chrissy, is pregnant (YAY!) and due in March, and I'll be serving as her doula for the birth of their baby. What a privilege! I get all choked up just thinking about it :). I am still looking for two other mamas who don't mind a somewhat inexperienced doula serving them. Of course, I won't charge for these first three births.

I am so hopeful and encouraged as I continue this process. I am thoughoughly enjoying every step--the reading, the training and community classes, and especially the networking and connecting with other pro-women professionals and friends.

My Birth Story

I thought it would be a good idea to start off my blog with my own personal birth story, since this was the main event that prompted me to become a doula.

About half-way through my pregnancy, as I was contemplating how I would get my baby out when the time came, this thought quite literally popped right into my head: God made my body to give birth. I thought, women have been doing this since creation, why shouldn't I be able to do it, too? And as I looked at other moms I know, I thought that, despite their insanely crazy birth-horror-stories (more on this later), they had come out on the other side of the maternity hospital ward alive, intact, and living life just fine. This made me think that it couldn't possibly be as bad as they said it was.

So I decided that I wanted to have a "natural" birth--as free from drugs and other medical interventions as possible. Not to be a martyr or just to say that I did it, but to experience the whole process as God intended. The more I thought about it, the more I was able to find peace and confidence in the fact that God is my creator and loving Father. I was able to put my trust in his amazing design as my due date drew near.

At 2am on December 15, 2008, I woke up to go to the bathroom, as usual. Except this time I had a very intense urge to poo. So I did, the urge went away, and I went back to bed. A few minutes later, the "urge" came again, and I thought, "Oh, crap. This is labor." Since it was the middle of the night, I thought I'd try to let Greg continue his peaceful slumber so he'd have energy later to help me out as my labor progressed. But a few (intense!) contractions later, I decided to wake him up so I could tell him what to put in our hospital bags while I could still talk (we had actually planned on packing our bags that day).

It. was. crazy. Unlike most women, I didn't have an "easy" early labor, where I could get used to the feel of contractions. They hit me hard and strong, and I was overwhelmed. I remember at one point saying to Greg, "I don't know if I can do this... I might need an epidural." I think that scared him a little, but he continued to remain calm in my presence and coach me through my contractions. During pregnancy, we had read books on the Bradley Method, which really stresses relaxing through the contractions to manage the pain. It worked SOOOO well, and it didn't take me long to get into the rhythm of my labor. I labored in bed for a while, on the toilet for a little bit (my body decided to get rid of everything ahead of time, so it didn't happen on the birthing table--nice!), and sitting in the glider. We stayed at home for 7 hours before heading to the hospital, but it seemed like only 2. While we were at home, I was in such an intense "zone," drawing on all my inner strength, endurance, and self-discipline. It was actually kind of exhilarating and fun!

It was SO cold that morning, so Greg dropped me off at the entrance to the hospital and I had a couple of contractions on the bench just inside the door while he parked the car. Again I say: it. was. crazy. So intense. When Greg got inside, a nice man got a wheelchair and helped us up to the maternity ward. There were no rooms available when we got there, so they checked me in to triage. Despite the bright lights, loud noises, and many other distractions at the hospital, I managed to remain as relaxed as I could while they poked, prodded, and asked me questions. Our nurse was somewhat insensitive to the fact that I was in heavy labor, and was honestly being kind of a nuisance. But Greg, the gracious and amazing man that he is, responded very courteously to her, asked her name, and if she could refrain from asking me questions while I was contracting. She responded well, and softened up quite a bit.

Greg and I both tried hard to not get our hopes up when they "checked" me, after having heard many stories of women laboring for hours and only being a few centimeters dilated. But the moment of truth arrived--the nurse checked my cervix--I was 7 centimeters!!! I was SO encouraged, knowing that dilatation usually goes from 7-10 very quickly. Shortly after that, our Lamaze teacher, Beth, came in to encourage us along, and she told me I was doing very well. It was so good to hear that from someone who truly cared for us and was familiar with the birth process! (Looking back, I realize how helpful a doula would have been. That loving and calm voice of reassurance throughout my whole labor would have made my experience better than I could have imagined!)

I entered into the "transition" part of labor, which is when the pain is at its most intense, unbelievably strong contractions coming right on top of eachother, and started having an urge to push. The nurse said, "We had better get her into a room or she's going to have her baby in here!" The last thing I wanted to do was to move rooms, but we did it and I started pushing right away. The sensations of pushing were so unique, unlike anything I'd ever felt before. I was kind of scared to push because it hurt in such a new way, but I knew I needed to in order to get my baby out. So, with the help of Greg and a little coaching from our nurse, I did it. Lucy came squirming out to me at 12:01pm. The doctor put her right on my tummy while the nurse wiped her down. We bonded and breastfed, and my mom and sister came in to celebrate with flowers and OJ.

What's a Doula?

(This is Chrissy, smiling and 5cm dilated, as we arrive at the hospital.)

Back in ancient times, a royal woman had many servants who all attended to her in different ways. But there was one servant who knew her inside and out, talked her through her problems, comforted her when she was distressed, and was there whenever she needed her. This special servant was called her "doula."

The specific translation for the word "doula" is "woman's servant." It has been adopted today to mean "a trained and experienced professional who provides continuous physical, emotional and informational support to the mother before, during and just after birth" (from DONA's website). Let me just touch on those three points...

Physical. Ever wonder why they call it "labor?" Because it's just that: physical labor. It is tough work! The closest thing I could compare it to would be running a really long race, only ten times harder. As a doula, I stay with the laboring mom from the time I arrive (either at home or hospital), until her baby is born and they have successfully breastfed. Throughout that time I encourage relaxation with my voice, soft touch, or massage. I suggest positions that are helpful, encouraging the baby to descend or to relieve back pain. I can also instruct the dad in different techniques, so he can play an active role in supporting his partner. And I'm there for support if mom needs someone to lean on or just a hand to hold.

Emotional. Pregnancy and birth can be a very emotional time, especially for first-time mothers. Having been there myself, I can relate very closely with what each new mom is going through. I offer continuous emotional support throughout the pregnancy, and especially during the birth.

Informational. There is so much to know about pregnancy and birth! There is way more information out there than can be soaked up in the short nine months of pregnancy. I have had extensive training and education about the birth process, and am equipped to answer your questions. I can make book recommendations based on your specific situation and desire for your birth. I also have a network of childbirth professionals to refer you to if need be. The more informed you are going into labor, the less fear you will have, and the better your experience will be!

If you're still not convinced about the helpfulness of a doula, check out these statistics:

Studies have shown that women supported by a doula during labor have:

~50% reduction in the cesarean rate
~25% shorter labor
~60% reduction in epidural requests
~40% reduction in pitocin use
~30% reduction in analgesia use
~40% reduction in forceps delivery

Long-term benefits:
~improved breastfeeding
~greater interaction between mothers and babies
~decreased postpartum depression

(Statistics from Mothering the Mother by Klaus, Kennel, and Klaus)

About Me

I love birth! It is one of my greatest passions. In fact, one of the first things I said after I gave birth to my daughter was, "Let's do it again!" They all thought I was crazy, but I was not joking. It was without a doubt, the most incredible experience of my life... which is why I am a doula!

I live in DeKalb, IL, with my husband, Greg, my kids, Lucy and Augustine, and our sweet dog, Milo. When I'm not helping birthing moms, I'm spending time creating functional pottery, sewing wool diapers, singing and writing songs, playing with my kids, or going on adventures with my family.

I am trained and certified through DONA International, which is the biggest and most respected doula assosiation in the world!

Client Quotes

From the dads...

"Kim's calming voice and relaxing nature really helped my wife to relax."

“I felt completely confident in her expertise and guidance throughout the entire pregnancy, but especially during the birth.”

“Having Kim as our doula is something I would recommend to anyone.”

“Not only was it nice having someone familiar with the processes…in the thick of labor, I knew my wife felt so supported by Kim. It made all the difference, and I'm going to insist she be there for our next child.”


















From the moms…

“Having Kim as my doula was one of the best decisions I've ever made.”

“Kim’s encouragement throughout my entire pregnancy gave me confidence that my body was created to have a baby and helped prepare me for the amazing challenge of childbirth.”

“One of my goals was to have a natural labor, and I know it would have been a lot more difficult without a doula. Kim provided support and suggestions to my husband and I that helped me relax and focus without overstepping her role.”

“I'm thankful that Kim was such an integral part of our support team!”

“If it's in my power, I will never give birth without her!”


*Above photos by Chrissy Deming Photography