Reflections on Mother's Day

"No language can express the power, and beauty, and heroism, and majesty of a mother's love. It shrinks not where man cowers, and grows stronger where man faints, and over wastes of worldly fortunes sends the radiance of its quenchless fidelity like a star." ~Edwin Hubbell Chapin

Before I had kids, I had no clue.  I had no idea how crazy and exhausting and challenging this thing called motherhood would be. 

Shortly after Lucy was born, Greg told me that he wanted to have more babies.  Like soon.  And I said, "no way!  Are you kidding me?  This is so hard!  It's so much work!"  Well, eventually I came around, and Auggie came to be.  And it seemed that the work of raising babies didn't just double.  It tripled, maybe even quadrupled.  I have no idea how that works, but trust me, going from one kid to two is insane.  And I hear it's equally or more so crazy adding a third.

But pre-kids I also had no clue how HUGE my heart could get with this fierce and tender mama-love for my offspring.  It is truly like nothing else. 

Yesterday I was watching Lucy's soccer game, and my eyes were just glued to her, so proud of her, and wanting the world to see what an awesome little person she is!  (It was 4-year-old AYSO soccer, and her team was getting crushed, but still my heart could have just burst watching her run around in her light blue jersey and shin guards up to her knees.) 

And last week I was at a conference and struck up a conversation with a complete stranger.  We got to talking about our kids, and I just couldn't help myself.  I whipped out my phone to show her a picture of my sweet son, Augustine, and gushed, "Isn't he just sooo cute?!"

Seriously, what has come over me??  I am addicted to my kids!

And so recently, when I become overwhelmed with stress and busy-ness and just needing a precious hour to myself, I stop.  And look at these two beautiful kids.  And just realize what an awesome blessing and privilege it is to have been entrusted with their care.  I'm learning to be joyful, and not resentful, when my pre-school sweetheart squeezes her juice box and douses me and the entire interior of our car with sticky-sweet liquid, or when my little alarm clock (read: baby boy) wakes me up two hours too early.  There is joy in the endless duty of washing diapers, wiping butts, trimming nails, picking up toys, playing pretend, and entertaining a fussy baby during the "witching hour" while simultaneously preparing a healthy meal for the entire family.

It is a blessing, a sacred privilege, this wild ride that is motherhood.  Am I overwhelmed?  Yes.  But it is a joyful, heart-swelling, place to be that will be over before I know it, and I am trying my best to treasure every (hair-pulling) second.

Seeley's Birth ~ A Photo Essay

I got a call from Stephen at 5am on February 12th, saying that today was the day!  Jenn's contractions were definitely the real deal.  Thankful for an (almost) full-night's sleep, I got up and got ready to go.  I arrived at their house at 6:30, and Jenn was doing so well, chatting and watching Ice Age 3.  As soon as a contraction hit, though, I could tell this was active labor.  She leaned up against a wall, relaxed, and moaned through it.  It was dark and candles were lit; the perfect environment for labor.

 

 

 

Karen got there shortly after I did, and got her computer and paperwork all set up on the kitchen table.

 

Don't you think she looks like an angel?

Well, she is. A birth angel. ;)

 

 

 

Jenn had group prenatal meetings/childbirth education with her midwives and a group of women due around the same time she was.  They all wore these bracelets to remind eachother of their bond through each of their births.

 

So peaceful.  Resting between contractions.  All that relaxation practice was paying off.

 

Muffins Jenn had prepared in advance for the birth team.  Labor was in full swing at 9:05am.

 

Swaying with Stephen ~ he was her rock.

 

Doula at work!  Thanks, Karen, for this shot! 

 

As labor progressed, Jenn moved to the tub to help her relax more fully.

 

 

 

Jenn's mom arrived toward the end of her labor.  Her presence and hand-holding was such a comfort to Jenn.

 

Midwife Christina, checking baby's heart tones.

 

 

The final push...

 

 

 

Seeley Michael Carter was born at 2:01pm on February 12.  6 lbs 11 oz. 19 inches.

Jenn's labor was about 12 hours long, with only 30 minutes of pushing.

 

I am continually amazed at the intensity and amazing challenge of labor and birth.  During Jenn's most difficult contractions, Karen would pray, "Thank you, Jesus, for these powerful contractions.  Thank you that her body is doing what you made it to do.  Thank you!"  It was with much gratitude and leaning on God that Jenn birthed her baby into the world.  What a holy and joyful experience!

 

Breastfeeding in the Church [Part 1]

My family and I go to a pretty cool church here in DeKalb.  I've been going since we moved to Sycamore when I was 12 years old, continued going when I was home from college on the weekends, and it's where Greg and I eventually ended up after we got married.  It's been a really cool blessing to have been a part of the same community for over half of my life.  They really are like family; they've seen me through my dorky and highly embarrassing junior high years (and loved me through them!), supported and cheered me on through college, and celebrated with us when we got married there in '04.  How fun it is, now, to be growing my little family amidst the larger church family that I grew up in!

It's been interesting, though, to observe their reactions to my ever-increasing "crunchy granola" lifestyle.  Kind of like a funny little social experiment that leaves me grinning (though sometimes frowning) on the inside.

Take the breastfeeding issue.  Thankfully, I haven't received any off-putting comments about my nursing (respectfully and covered) during the discussion hour or in the service.  But it's been amusing to observe the different reactions of people when it's time for Augustine to eat. 

When I'm in the sanctuary and he needs to nurse, it almost always happens right before the pastor tells everyone to stand up and greet those around you.  Awkward!  So there I am, sitting at the end of the aisle with my noisy eater suckin' away!  I get the impression that some people try to avoid eye contact or walk the other way, while those who know me well don't bat an eyelash.  While I wish breastfeeding at church would be a non-issue, Greg brought up the point that some might just be trying to be respectful.  Breastfeeding is, in fact, a very intimate and special thing between a mom and her baby.  I can understand why people would want to give me space.

In spite of the funny and semi-awkward encounters I've experienced while nursing, I have noticed that it gets a little better with each passing Sunday.  People are getting used to it, which I like.  The awkward avoiders are becoming fewer, and I feel like people are realizing that this is just what we do. 

I recently read an article in Christianity Today called "Breastfeeding in the Back Pew."  In it, the author proclaims, "In a culture where breasts are perennially on display--but where breastfeeding is often regarded with disgust or at least embarrassment--allowing mothers to breast-feed in worship would counter how sexualized breasts are in modern culture.  It would also communicate respect for mothers.... The earthy eloquence of breast-feeding, even in church, would also remind us of both the humanness of our Savior and of God's loving sustenance of us through all the seasons of our lives."

Amen and amen.

 

The End of my Sabattical ~ What I've Learned

My doula-work hiatus is almost over; I am officially on-call again after a six month break!  Adding another little life to our family has given me some fresh perspective on the whole process, from fertility to pregnancy to birth and postpartum.  Moving forward, I feel more equipped than ever to assist other women and their families through every facet of childbearing.

Fertility

After 15 months of trying to get pregnant, I experienced again the heartache of infertility (it took us the same amount of time to get pregnant the first time).  I did learn a lot about my body through the process, though, through charting my cycles with my husband using the Creighton Method.  In time, I was able to get my hormones back in balance through natural progesterone cream and eventually a stronger dose prescribed by my doctor.  I also believe that acupuncture and some traditional Chinese medicine (with Pat Faivre) was a huge factor in optimizing my fertility.

In total, we have spent two-and-a-half years trying to conceive, and though those have probably been the toughest years of my life, I'm grateful for them.  I feel like I'm better able to empathise with other women who struggle with infertility, and I now have a whole slew of resources to offer them.  And I can't help but think that if we got pregnant any other month, we wouldn't have a Lucy or an Augustine, and I can't imagine our family without them.

Augustine (3 months) and Lucy (4)

Pregnancy

About 36 Weeks Pregnant with Auggie

With my first pregnancy, I was in the 1% of women that just loved being pregnant (that the other 99% of pregnant women hate).  I had no morning sickness, felt more beautiful than ever, and savored every miraculous little kick inside my belly.  I still enjoyed being pregnant this time around, but it was a lot harder on my body.  Maybe it was that I was four years older?  Maybe it was the fatigue caused by chasing one child around while growing another inside my body?  I still had pretty mild pregnancy symptoms, but between daily back pain and sheer exhaustion, I gained an appreciation for why most women just want pregnancy to be over.

Auggie came a week later than Lucy did (39 weeks and 38 respectively), and I also had a lot more "false labor" this time.  So I was able to experience the waiting game that almost all pregnant mamas play (even if it was only for a week).  Not fun!  But like the fertility struggle, I'm now able to empathise a little more with those mamas whose babies just want to take their sweet time.

Birth (My favorite!)

Oh wow.  I could write so much here!!  But I'll focus on two things:  having a homebirth vs. a hospital birth, and having a doula.



Sweet Relief!
 

I am so grateful to have given birth twice, once in the hospital and once at home, because I really feel like I can relate with moms who choose either.  If you would have mentioned homebirth to us the first time around, I would have laughed and said you were crazy.  The hospital was where we felt safest, and so it was the best place for us!  Just like it is for so many other families.  This time we felt more comfortable at home, and so that is the route we took.  They were vastly different experiences, albeit both miraculous and life-changing in so many ways!  And having the intensity of those labor surges so fresh in my memory will no doubt help me to be the doula I need to be for the laboring mamas I will be serving in the coming year.

And having a doula was amazing (understatement).  What a blessing it was to experience the other end of doula care!!  Katie Seelinger was truly an embodiment of the word doula (servant).  She helped me through some of the craziest contractions of my life; I remember her touch (not even intentional touch!  I think it was her knee gently touching my leg or something!) literally made those contractions hurt less.  Her close proximity, encouraging words, and just her presence was a God-send.  She was also helpful in many practical ways!  When you have a homebirth there is kind of a lot to do.  It's like you're hosting an event in your house, but you are physically unable to be the hostess.  Katie was my hostess.  She cleaned, cooked, took some killer photos, and took care of anything else that needed tending to, so that I didn't have to worry about the details.  Having her there also freed Greg up to support me more fully, and eventually enabled him to spend some time bonding with his new son.  Thank heaven for doulas.  Wow.


Our team! Nurse Karen, Midwife Steph (in green), doula Katie,
 me and Auggie, Greg, Lucy, and sister Katie

Postpartum

Postpartum is not fun for me.  Actually, I hate it.  Hormones are raging, sleep deprivation is at a maximum, boobs are engorged, and perineal stitches are killing.  I realized after I had Auggie that my prenatal curriculum for my clients was way too lacking in the postpartum preparation department!  So incorporated into my final prenatal agenda now, is some crucial and practical advice for getting through those first crazy weeks.

We were all sooooooo sleepy thanks
 to our five pound bundle of joy :)

 



So here we go!  I'm so grateful for having a break from doula work, and for the experience of growing our family by one little member.  But I'm excited to jump back in!  I have learned so much, and am so excited to share the journey with whatever mamas come my way :)

Blessings! 

A Holy Privilege: Giving Thanks for Birth

It's 9 in the morning, the day before Thanksgiving, and both of my kids are sleeping. (Auggie is down for his nap, and Lucy is sleeping in).  With these few rare moments of peace, and preparing for Thanksgiving, I'm finding myself overwhelmed with gratitude for the two births that I've been given. 

Though Lucy was born in a hospital in the standard semi-reclined-holding-my-legs-back position, I would still say it was the most amazing experience of my life.  I had a drug-free, 10-hour long birth with her, staying at home for seven hours and arriving at the hospital at 7cm dilated.  The ways I pushed my body (or my body pushed me), were unlike anything I had ever experienced before, and unlike anything I could have imagined.  I conquered that birth, despite the distractions of being in a hospital and being cared for by less-than-sensitive people.  The sense of empowerment I felt after birthing her was incredible!  I felt so strong, like I could move mountains if I wanted to. 


Auggie's birth was also unreal.  I could not have asked for a better birth team or a more peaceful environment... although maybe I would have asked for a longer labor??  :)  Seriously, though, with Lucy's labor I enjoyed the challenge of staying in a rhythm with my contractions.  Aug's hit me so hard and fast I remember hardly being able to catch my breath!  It was awesome, though.  The experience of being weightless in a pool in my living room, in the midst of the crazy pressure I felt with those last contractions, was amazing.  I will never forget the moment I reached down and felt his tiny body, lifting him up out of the water to meet him for the very first time.

I have been blessed.  And my births have shaped me in ways I never thought possible.  And so I find myself giving thanks to my Creator for His wonderful design for birth, and how I have been able to experience Him more through these two babies being born through me.  What a holy privilege it is, whether in the hospital or at home, all-natural or medicated or c-section, to partake in Creation through childbirth.

Wool Diapering with Auggie!

When I was pregnant with Lucy, I thought about using cloth diapers. I decided against it for a few reasons... The amount of information on the internet was so massive I didn't know where to start.  I didn't have any friends at the time who used cloth, so had no one to ask about it.  And I just figured it'd be way too gross and inconvenient.

When Luce was a few months old we met some friends from Wisconsin in Madison, and their youngest at the time was in diapers.  My friend, Lauren, showed me her cloth "system," which consisted of cloth prefolds, wool covers, and a wet bag.  She seemed pretty excited about it, and told me how easy it was.  She explained that the wool covers get a little wet, but you just let them dry and they're good to go for the next change!  I really couldn't wrap my mind around it.  Cloth diapering, maybe, but wool covers that you don't even wash in-between changes??  Gross!

Fast forward a few years to my pregnancy with Augustine.  Almost ALL of my friends used cloth, and I had been able to see firsthand how easy and routine it can be!  The thought of using wool covers was starting to seem attractive, so through the last half of my pregnancy I had several phone conversations with Lauren to pick her brain about it!

I learned that wool is both water-resistant and moisture wicking.  Wool keeps baby cool in the summer and warm in the winter.  It's breathable, which protects against diaper rash, since all that moisture isn't trapped inside against baby's bottom.  And the most amazing thing to me is that wool is naturally antibacterial, anti-fungal, and antimicrobial.  (This is why you don't have to wash it in-between changes--wool naturally neutralizes the urine!)  And they are absolutely, without a doubt, the cutest diapers I have ever seen.  Why are more people not using wool??  It is the perfect diapering solution.

 

The only downside is the expense.  Wool diapers can cost up to $30 a piece--yikes!  But Lauren came to my rescue again and shared a free pattern to make your own "soakers" out of recycled wool sweaters.  So I scoured the local thrift stores for sweaters, and proceeded to make Auggie 6 brand new and adorable diaper covers for less than $10 total.  Hooray!!

 

 

 

 

And in case you were wondering what happens if daddy accidentally shrinks a soaker in the wash...

 



 

 

:)

 

 

Back to Work!

For the past few months, I've been enjoying a break from doula work, so I could focus on my own pregnancy, birth, and adjust to having a new baby in the house!  The best part about my little break has been not having to keep my phone on me 24-7.  (Ask my husband, I lose it at least 8 times a day.  I don't even know where it is now.)  The worst part has been, well... not working as a doula!  I love this job so much. 

I'm gearing up to begin doula-ing again when little Auggie is a few months old, and am officially taking clients starting in January!  So to kick off this new chapter in my doula career, here are a couple of new videos that have been in the works for a while.

An interview with testimonials from some of my awesome clients...

 

 

And a music video we made last Spring...  Enjoy!